


But In The End

by maxvell



Series: Avangon in Beleriand and Beyond [1]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, POV First Person, Say gay elves inspired by Galahad and Mordred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxvell/pseuds/maxvell
Summary: After killing Galadil and surviving his own execution, Avangon thinks back on his relationship with the now-deceased White Knight.
Relationships: Avangon (OC)/Galadil (OC)
Series: Avangon in Beleriand and Beyond [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652245





	But In The End

**Author's Note:**

> Aghk okAy- this is v e r y confusing so here's some context for this
> 
> Avangon and Galadil are characters from a story I'm writing. They are Avari, and belong to my fan-made kingdom which is a branch of the Windan elves.  
> Along with the made up nation, this story is also filled with hints of Headcanons regarding the Avari, which include their perception of the afterlife as well as their religion. Thus the 'old gods' are the figures the Avari used to worship, and the 'new gods' are the Valar, whose faith was brought into Beleriand by the Noldor.

They always compare us to one another, do they not? You are the Servant of Radiance, and I am the Scion of Black Blood. They see us as one sees the Day and Night, or the Sun and Moon. Always thought of together, but always naturally separated.

  
They said I was no goodinthebeginning. By the day I arrived, they did not trust me.  
"That boy-" they had whisper by my uncle's shoulder "-he will bring naught but chaos." And it always ended the same way. The king laughed. And eventually the ill but aware advises faded, and were instead replaced with laugher and praises of my deeds. And thus I became their dear darling prince, who by his own will escaped from the darkness that was sure to swallow him whole.

  
_Oh, those arrogant idiots and their willing ignorance._

  
But in a way, were you not ignorant and arrogant too? Being a sheep, and still knowingly wandering into the wolf's den?

  
...

No.  
No, you were no ignorant nor an arrogant. You knew what my fate was. You knew I'd kill the king -try to at least, and that I'd feel no shame nor remorse about it, for it was my fate since birth. And still, you though that I was worth saving. You thought I'd still change.

  
Well, my beloved, now you know this as your ashes scatter in the sand in which I stand. You may use a sword as a walking stick, but that will never change it's purpose.

  
As I curled up in the corner of my cell last night, I still remembered the feeling of your embrace. They always thought you the Sun, but truth be told, you felt far too cold to be that. I know this, for as I stood in that cursed, freezing hell, I could still feel your body around mine, just as cold as it had always been. Though it's different now. Before all this, it had felt like bliss- it was as refreshing as a spring morn. Now it's the chilling, piercing pain of a wraith that has come to haunt meuntil theendsofdays. But you shall not haunt me for much longer. Soon we will meet each other once more, it the halls of the dead. But then we shall part ways again. You will become one of the stars above and shine more brightly than any of them before, and I will be chained, and dragged down below into eternal torment.

As it was always meant to be.

You never believed in destiny, but it is true.

_You were born to be a Saint, a Martyr. I was born to be Death, Destruction._

They say I'm the Moon, cold and mysterious, but they didn't see me as you did.  
You said I am a wolf's bane, beautiful, but also so deadly, as so many other beautiful things are.

  
You were right.

  
But that's the thing, isn't it? I still _cannot_ wrap my head around why you kept me near still, even knowing that.

  
You make me feel complicated. I think I liked that about you.

I like it still.

  
I love you. But I also despise you.

  
And I despise our fates.  
In another life, perhaps, we would have been able to be happy. I think you would have liked that. A story with a good ending. A story in which we had the chance to be us, not the shadows of prophecies spelled out long before we were even born. But that life will never exist.

  
And what would be the fun of it, anyway?

  
No, happy endings are not what I want.  
I want havock. I want to be part of history, but not for doing good things. We are monstersnow. I was always one, but not you. You were the purest thing that has ever stepped on this earth. I pride myself in the fact that I was the one to ruin that. Not that anyone knew. But that rot I left inside you towards the end is the one bad deed I always aspired to achieve. Even if I myself didn't know it until it happened.

I see you when I close my eyes. I see your smile when I actually told a good joke, followed by your frustrated frown when I fucked it up by saying some profanity right after.  
_'By the old and new gods.'_ I breathed out back then, when I was alone. _'He is the most beautiful thing in this entire world. I need to have him. I need to break him.'_ And you did not stop me.

  
_Oh love, that was your biggest mistake, wasn't it?_  
You came to me, and then you didn't run away when you still had the chance.

  
I think I already knew it back then. That I'd destroy you I mean. That I would crush you, and leave you out to bleed, and be your doom and your bane and the last thing you'd ever see. Perhaps you knew it too. Perhaps you chose to ignore it willingly.

  
I will never know. Nor do I afford to care.  
It was always like that. The only thing I truly cared about was seeing my uncle pay for leaving my father behind. For leaving him to be eaten by wolves of shadow, and claiming the throne that was his. The throne that is _mine_. All I cared about was watching as everything he held dear crumbled at his feet. I wish I could have seen him go madder a little longer. I wish I hadn't been so precipitated to fullfil my destiny. I also cared for you, but you were not my priority, for as much as I deliberated over it sometimes. And then you got in the way and I had to pick what mattered the most. And when my destiny is to be a monster, well, slaying you was naught but another brick stacked into that reputation.

  
I remember so many things about you, but I do not recall the moment in which I ended your beautiful life. I know I did it. I have been told. You kept me from fulfilling my plan, and in return I stained your pristine white armor the deepest red. 'It's the shock.' They had said. 'Your mind is trying to block out the atrocities you have done.'  
But here's the thing. Why would I be shocked? I can clearly see that as something I'd do. I can imagine myself piercing my blade through your stomach. I can imagine the life draining out of your radiant silver eyes, until they are naught but hollow husks of what they once were.

  
But you dug your own grave as much as I did, for you were aware of it too. You really were no ignorant. You knew our fates. You knew you'd be my true love, but also that you'd be my greatest enemy. And that one of us would die at the hand of the other.

~~Why wasn't it me?~~

  
Oh, my valiant knight.  
You were so beautiful.  
Why didn't you run from me like you knew you should? You were a fool to think staying would change me. But you were an ethereal one. And you were mine.

They say you are the Day, bright and colorful and full of life. The whole world would agree in a heartbeat.

They say I am the Night, shady and wicked and betraying. Everyone agrees to thattoo.

But here's the thing, you beautiful fool;  
We are indeed as Day and Night, balancing each other, but always remaining opposites. But in the end, the Sun still needs the Moon as much as the Moon needs the Sun.  
The Saint still needs the Demon and the Virtue needs the Sin.  
And just like them, we will always need each other.


End file.
